Depression & Bitterness
Depression & Bitterness Are Reflections of Each Other
There are many applications to the Biblical declaration, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
Depression and bitterness, in the final analysis, are deep-seated, long-term unforgiveness—directed either at ourselves or someone else. This may sound confusing at first, but as you read further, you'll see that it makes sense AND it makes overcoming it much easier.
When we allow unforgiveness to take root in our heart, bitterness sprouts up and permeates every aspect of our lives (The term used in Hebrews 12:15 means “putrefy”). The person we are embittered toward gets to live rent-free in our head, and we allow ourselves to be emotionally controlled by remote. And, we will suffer far more than they do. In fact, they often have little if any idea that we are holding a grudge against them or that we think they owe us something. Think of it as letting someone live “Rent-Free” in your head…
Often that person has gone their own way, never knowing or caring that we are bitter or, in other cases, fully aware of our bitterness and actually enjoying our misery. While the person we despise is often unaware of the fact, we are slowly but quite certainly destroying ourselves and everything good in our lives.
Let’s look at how we end up in a place of bitterness.
Unmet Expectations: Expectations are like the ceiling; people can jump up and touch it, but they can’t live up there. So it is with the expectations we have of others. Often our expectations are rooted in a sense of entitlement (we believe we are entitled to have our wants and needs met when we want, the way we want). When our expectations go unmet, we experience
Disappointment: Our hopes are dashed on the rocks and we feel sad that things didn’t go as we expected. Holding on to that disappointment quickly leads us down lower and into
Disillusionment: Now we aren’t just disappointed about a situation or with a person, now we are disappointed with relationships in general. The shiny picture we had of that person and the relationship is dark and dingy; we are losing hope. Remaining there long drops us even lower and we fall into
Despondency: This we call the “Eeyore Level.” This is where we are pessimistic not only about relationships, we are pessimistic about our own worth and value.
“I’m leaving (if anybody cares).”
“Don’t pay any attention to me—I don’t really matter.”
“Of course this fell apart—I’m stuck with the same idiots I’m always stuck with?!”
“What did I expect? That things would magically be different than they always are?”
We don’t have to live here long before our unrelenting anger about how long we have been mistreated this way results in
Bitterness: Bitterness is rooted in deep-seated, long-term unforgiveness—usually, unforgiveness over someone (or multiple someone’s) not living up to our expectations.
The only difference between Bitterness and Depression is the direction the anger is turned. Bitterness has an outward focus; Depression has an inward focus.
Again, we need to remember that bitterness harms us far more than it harms the one we are embittered toward. And it will corrupt every other relationship we are part of.
Let’s look at the devastating consequences of bitterness in our lives:
SECOND, we become its slaves. We are enslaved by our bitterness. We are emotionally tied to the person we are bitter toward. Everything they do or don’t do affects us, whether we want it to or not. We spend so much time nursing our animosity that we hinder our ability to have a useful and productive life. Someone said that “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
THIRD, bitterness poisons (putrefies) every relationship in our lives. Read carefully Hebrews 12:15 (and its referent, Deuteronomy 29:18). In both places, it speaks about a “root of bitterness.” A bitter spirit toward one person will contaminate every other relationship in our lives. It is like the rotten apple that spoils the whole barrel. It is like a cancer that, unchecked, eats away at and destroys us from within.
FOURTH, unforgiveness is sin and it keeps us from experiencing God’s forgiveness. Read carefully Jesus’ instruction on prayer in Matthew 6:9-15. Especially note versus 14 and 15. An unforgiving spirit keeps us from God’s forgiveness. After all, why would God forgive us if we are unwilling to forgive someone else? It would also serve well here if you study Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18:21-35.
The AntidoteSo, what is the antidote to the descent from Expectation to Bitterness/Depression?
Anticipate that since you are a rebellious human being in relationship with rebellious human beings, all living in a rebellious world, chances are that things will go wrong—sometimes, often. When they do not, you experience
Pleasant Surprise that things went well. As you experience pleasant surprise more and more, you find yourself living in a place of
Delight. And, the more delight you experience as you recognize how often things go well, you experience a sense of
Joy. Long-term joy gives us a sense of
Hope; and it is hope that is the antidote to the hopelessness of Depression & Bitterness!
Depression and bitterness, in the final analysis, are deep-seated, long-term unforgiveness—directed either at ourselves or someone else. This may sound confusing at first, but as you read further, you'll see that it makes sense AND it makes overcoming it much easier.
When we allow unforgiveness to take root in our heart, bitterness sprouts up and permeates every aspect of our lives (The term used in Hebrews 12:15 means “putrefy”). The person we are embittered toward gets to live rent-free in our head, and we allow ourselves to be emotionally controlled by remote. And, we will suffer far more than they do. In fact, they often have little if any idea that we are holding a grudge against them or that we think they owe us something. Think of it as letting someone live “Rent-Free” in your head…
Often that person has gone their own way, never knowing or caring that we are bitter or, in other cases, fully aware of our bitterness and actually enjoying our misery. While the person we despise is often unaware of the fact, we are slowly but quite certainly destroying ourselves and everything good in our lives.
Let’s look at how we end up in a place of bitterness.
Unmet Expectations: Expectations are like the ceiling; people can jump up and touch it, but they can’t live up there. So it is with the expectations we have of others. Often our expectations are rooted in a sense of entitlement (we believe we are entitled to have our wants and needs met when we want, the way we want). When our expectations go unmet, we experience
Disappointment: Our hopes are dashed on the rocks and we feel sad that things didn’t go as we expected. Holding on to that disappointment quickly leads us down lower and into
Disillusionment: Now we aren’t just disappointed about a situation or with a person, now we are disappointed with relationships in general. The shiny picture we had of that person and the relationship is dark and dingy; we are losing hope. Remaining there long drops us even lower and we fall into
Despondency: This we call the “Eeyore Level.” This is where we are pessimistic not only about relationships, we are pessimistic about our own worth and value.
“I’m leaving (if anybody cares).”
“Don’t pay any attention to me—I don’t really matter.”
“Of course this fell apart—I’m stuck with the same idiots I’m always stuck with?!”
“What did I expect? That things would magically be different than they always are?”
We don’t have to live here long before our unrelenting anger about how long we have been mistreated this way results in
Bitterness: Bitterness is rooted in deep-seated, long-term unforgiveness—usually, unforgiveness over someone (or multiple someone’s) not living up to our expectations.
The only difference between Bitterness and Depression is the direction the anger is turned. Bitterness has an outward focus; Depression has an inward focus.
Again, we need to remember that bitterness harms us far more than it harms the one we are embittered toward. And it will corrupt every other relationship we are part of.
Let’s look at the devastating consequences of bitterness in our lives:
- It will harm us physically.
- It will enslave us.
- Bitterness poisons (putrefies) every relationship in our lives.
- It is a sin that will keep us from experiencing God’s forgiveness.
SECOND, we become its slaves. We are enslaved by our bitterness. We are emotionally tied to the person we are bitter toward. Everything they do or don’t do affects us, whether we want it to or not. We spend so much time nursing our animosity that we hinder our ability to have a useful and productive life. Someone said that “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
THIRD, bitterness poisons (putrefies) every relationship in our lives. Read carefully Hebrews 12:15 (and its referent, Deuteronomy 29:18). In both places, it speaks about a “root of bitterness.” A bitter spirit toward one person will contaminate every other relationship in our lives. It is like the rotten apple that spoils the whole barrel. It is like a cancer that, unchecked, eats away at and destroys us from within.
FOURTH, unforgiveness is sin and it keeps us from experiencing God’s forgiveness. Read carefully Jesus’ instruction on prayer in Matthew 6:9-15. Especially note versus 14 and 15. An unforgiving spirit keeps us from God’s forgiveness. After all, why would God forgive us if we are unwilling to forgive someone else? It would also serve well here if you study Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18:21-35.
The AntidoteSo, what is the antidote to the descent from Expectation to Bitterness/Depression?
Anticipate that since you are a rebellious human being in relationship with rebellious human beings, all living in a rebellious world, chances are that things will go wrong—sometimes, often. When they do not, you experience
Pleasant Surprise that things went well. As you experience pleasant surprise more and more, you find yourself living in a place of
Delight. And, the more delight you experience as you recognize how often things go well, you experience a sense of
Joy. Long-term joy gives us a sense of
Hope; and it is hope that is the antidote to the hopelessness of Depression & Bitterness!
